On Saturday night the 14th of August, I saw my first shooting star. I caught a glimpse of it streaking by and the funny thing was I had to be looking up at that particular patch of sky at the perfect time to have been able to see it. To make that moment infinitely more poignant, a few minutes before seeing the shooting star I asked the Universe for a sign – something that would reaffirm a revelation that I had earlier that day.
I have asked for ‘signs’ so many times and yes, it is rather a Hollywood thing to wish for, but I am after a hopeless romantic, with dangerous theatrical tendencies! I’ve only ever received one other sign – that was after my dear dad passed away. After scattering his ashes, while driving back, I kept asking if he was at peace over and over again, so desperate for a sign that dad’s spirit was happy ... until I noticed the hundreds of little tiny yellow butterflies flying towards the windscreen of the car and then gliding right over the roof. What made it all the more absolute was that I had associated butterflies with dad just after he died when one rather stunning butterfly landed on the floor next to me and let me stroke its wing for a good few minutes (I used to be terrified of butterflies before that moment). So whether you believe in a higher force or not, or just believe that we manifest these things ourselves or even if you think it’s just a series of events, not predestined, getting a ‘sign’ which lift’s your spirit and gives you a surge of positive energy is still a pretty remarkable thing in itself.
So, what was the revelation that led to my seeing the shooting star? Curiously enough it was about destiny. Music is my destiny and while I intrinsically know this I have perhaps not necessarily owned it. There is a huge difference between knowing and owning your destiny; while you can believe that something is your destiny as much as is humanly possible when you relinquish ownership of it, it does not have the same potency, the same momentum as it could if it had your complete conviction. I think this dichotomy has to do with one’s upbringing and mine in particular was my early religious indoctrination. I was brought up to believe that God was in charge of my life – and while this was a help and comfort during my somewhat turbulent childhood, it has stopped me fully owning my destiny. However this teaching has been passed down generation to generation and I do believe it really does stop us taking control of our lives...
I was beginning to feel a strong desire to fully grasp my destiny, not in the way I had done in the past, but I needed to redefine my perception of my destiny. I realised I could achieve so much more if I took more control over it. My vocation is making music – it is my life, my ambition, the reason I was put on this earth, the reason this particular soul with all its variables came into being. So, as it my destiny is inexorably linked to my vocation and in turn my ambitions I had to ask myself some hard questions. I came up with the following set of questions:
1. What is my ambition?
2. What have I achieved thus far with regards to my ambition?
3. What is missing from my ambition?
4. What are the reasons the missing aspects of my ambitions have not been fulfilled yet? The answer based on fear
5. What are the reasons the missing aspects my ambitions have not been fulfilled yet? The answer based on fact
In answering these questions it became clear that my fears evolved around the belief that certain aspects of fulfilling my ambition and destiny lay in someone else’s hands (in my case the divine). With this knowledge a new comprehension began to form in my soul...I discussed my thoughts and feelings with my husband who is always my best sounding board – (he always comes up with a lot of amazing concepts) and together we uncovered with the following...
We hypothesized; perhaps when we are born, a little spark occurs in our souls (much like the beginning sparks of a star - when atoms of light elements are squeezed under enough pressure for their nuclei to undergo fusion). This little spark serves as a kind of guide as to what/who we have the potential to become – our talents, our gifts. Then as we grow and the paths our lives take begin to form our personalities we begin to make choices about our lives. Some of us follow that initial spark and some go against it – but throughout this phase the underlying fact is that we ourselves are shaping our future, our destiny; we create our own destiny. So, for me, with my early religious indoctrination it felt somewhat sacrilegious to think this way to begin with. While I knew this to be true in my heart and soul it was actually my mind that was being resistant to this to begin with – well such is the power of teaching a young mind! However, all it took for me to accept this new way of thinking was the undeniable truth that I had already been doing this for most of my life. I had in so many little and large ways been shaping my destiny.
So, now armed with all the right faculties I know that I shape my destiny, completely. While talent is a gift and blessing what I do with it is entirely up to me. We all get given gifts when we are born into this life, be it having the ability to make music, or to be a brilliant surgeon, or to have green fingers, or to be able to bake outstanding cakes ... these are all gifts. How we use these gifts is up to us; we can fulfil ambitions and reach our potentials in our lifetime, we just have to take ownership of our lives and our destiny.
Recommended songs for this article
1. Destiny – Prema ‘in Fusion’ (I have always had a strong relationship with my Destiny – sometimes even giving it an anthropomorphic personification! This song is about a transition of power - where I take the over the reins of my life from Destiny...I’m glad I’ve finally done that.) Available from iTunes
2. The Gift – Way Out West (This song is a blast from my past – it’s an homage to my shooting star!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSJTIv4ZNvI
Saturday 21 August 2010
Tuesday 10 August 2010
Filling Your Emotional Reservoir
In the last couple of weeks I’ve learned a huge life lesson which has impacted the way I deal with certain aspects of human interaction and I really wanted to share this with you.
I’ve always been an ‘absorber’ and by this I mean emotional empathy has been an integral part of my personality. I have learnt from a very young age to listen to people with my heart, and so when a person is talking to me, I feel so much of what they feel. This works well if I am around happy, positive people but more often than not, this trait in me has always attracted the opposite. While having emotional empathy and an acute sense of what people are feeling is a blessing it has until now been somewhat of a curse to me. This is mainly due to my not understanding how this exchange of energy works and not being in control of my own energy.
I am sure that almost every person has felt this – when you talk to someone, even a short conversation can leave you feeling a loss of vitality, a change in mood from positive to negative and a drain on your spirit. This is because the person you have just interacted with was ‘vibrating’ on a lower level than you at the point of interaction; in short they were feeling lower than you were. This caused a flow of energy between you and them – a natural way of redressing the balance, so some of their negative energy flowed into you and some of your positive energy flowed into them. They leave feeling better than before they met you and you leave feeling worse. This happens to everyone, but there are some people who live in a constant state of sadness and negativity and interacting with these people can cause great damage, especially if you come into contact with them on a regular basis.
I have always attracted these people into my life and have greatly resented the time and positive energy taken from me when I interact with them. You see I am a bit of a soft touch – and while this tenderness and empathy is crucial for my music and vocation it has been a most difficult burden to bear in my day to day life. I did however realise that the only thing I could change was the way I interacted with people. Still, it was difficult to get past the resentful feelings towards these ‘positive energy usurpers’ and so each time I tried to protect myself from them I did it with a little anger and this anger of course only fuels the negative energy – it weakened my resolve and gave power to their need to take positive energy. No matter how I tried, all the various techniques I used always failed to yield the kind of result that I needed which was to stop allowing my positive energy to drain out of me. I can’t stop people wanting positive energy, but I wanted to be able to control how much I was sharing – that was the key.
Last week I had a revelation about this situation. So much of my life energy comes from my emotional state. Some people get their energy from doing physical things, some from mental, some from spiritual, but my energy source is mainly emotional – and that makes sense as it is the core of what I do; making music and singing is all about giving form to feelings and emotions. I realised that there was a leak in my emotional reservoir; so before I even begin to fill it up, all the positive energy and good feelings just drain away. This also explains why I can feel so utterly exhausted – I’ve been virtually running on empty this whole time. Which begs the question, how will I start to feel once my emotional reservoir has been filled up? I’m pretty excited about that!
So, I had to plug the leak and as I am sure you can imagine, that’s easier said than done. Eventually after much soul searching I realised that it didn’t much matter why and when the leak had emerged, what mattered now was that I plug the leak. That meant making some major changes – learning to only give to people what I want to give and more importantly, what I can give. It means being able to say to a ‘positive energy usurpers’, I’ve only got 10 minutes to talk because I am really busy. It means taking control of my emotional reservoir and monitoring its levels every day. It means replenishing my own emotional reserves and filling it with what I need, when I need it.
With this new found understanding of myself and how to nurture my own needs first, I feel so lifted. I feel free of those restraints – being held down can take a serious toll on your spirit. I’ve been stuck in this pattern my whole life and I cannot begin to describe how emancipating it is to be in charge of my emotional reservoir. So, now I begin the process of filling up this Hoover Dam of emotion and as always with me, it starts and ends with music....
My go to guy for filling up my emotional reservoir is Miles Davis – nobody does it for me like Miles!
Kick back, close your eyes and let the music float in...
Miles Davis - So What
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEC8nqT6Rrk
I’ve always been an ‘absorber’ and by this I mean emotional empathy has been an integral part of my personality. I have learnt from a very young age to listen to people with my heart, and so when a person is talking to me, I feel so much of what they feel. This works well if I am around happy, positive people but more often than not, this trait in me has always attracted the opposite. While having emotional empathy and an acute sense of what people are feeling is a blessing it has until now been somewhat of a curse to me. This is mainly due to my not understanding how this exchange of energy works and not being in control of my own energy.
I am sure that almost every person has felt this – when you talk to someone, even a short conversation can leave you feeling a loss of vitality, a change in mood from positive to negative and a drain on your spirit. This is because the person you have just interacted with was ‘vibrating’ on a lower level than you at the point of interaction; in short they were feeling lower than you were. This caused a flow of energy between you and them – a natural way of redressing the balance, so some of their negative energy flowed into you and some of your positive energy flowed into them. They leave feeling better than before they met you and you leave feeling worse. This happens to everyone, but there are some people who live in a constant state of sadness and negativity and interacting with these people can cause great damage, especially if you come into contact with them on a regular basis.
I have always attracted these people into my life and have greatly resented the time and positive energy taken from me when I interact with them. You see I am a bit of a soft touch – and while this tenderness and empathy is crucial for my music and vocation it has been a most difficult burden to bear in my day to day life. I did however realise that the only thing I could change was the way I interacted with people. Still, it was difficult to get past the resentful feelings towards these ‘positive energy usurpers’ and so each time I tried to protect myself from them I did it with a little anger and this anger of course only fuels the negative energy – it weakened my resolve and gave power to their need to take positive energy. No matter how I tried, all the various techniques I used always failed to yield the kind of result that I needed which was to stop allowing my positive energy to drain out of me. I can’t stop people wanting positive energy, but I wanted to be able to control how much I was sharing – that was the key.
Last week I had a revelation about this situation. So much of my life energy comes from my emotional state. Some people get their energy from doing physical things, some from mental, some from spiritual, but my energy source is mainly emotional – and that makes sense as it is the core of what I do; making music and singing is all about giving form to feelings and emotions. I realised that there was a leak in my emotional reservoir; so before I even begin to fill it up, all the positive energy and good feelings just drain away. This also explains why I can feel so utterly exhausted – I’ve been virtually running on empty this whole time. Which begs the question, how will I start to feel once my emotional reservoir has been filled up? I’m pretty excited about that!
So, I had to plug the leak and as I am sure you can imagine, that’s easier said than done. Eventually after much soul searching I realised that it didn’t much matter why and when the leak had emerged, what mattered now was that I plug the leak. That meant making some major changes – learning to only give to people what I want to give and more importantly, what I can give. It means being able to say to a ‘positive energy usurpers’, I’ve only got 10 minutes to talk because I am really busy. It means taking control of my emotional reservoir and monitoring its levels every day. It means replenishing my own emotional reserves and filling it with what I need, when I need it.
With this new found understanding of myself and how to nurture my own needs first, I feel so lifted. I feel free of those restraints – being held down can take a serious toll on your spirit. I’ve been stuck in this pattern my whole life and I cannot begin to describe how emancipating it is to be in charge of my emotional reservoir. So, now I begin the process of filling up this Hoover Dam of emotion and as always with me, it starts and ends with music....
My go to guy for filling up my emotional reservoir is Miles Davis – nobody does it for me like Miles!
Kick back, close your eyes and let the music float in...
Miles Davis - So What
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEC8nqT6Rrk
Monday 2 August 2010
Wipe the slate clean
It’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged and I wish I hadn’t left it this long...however, I am glad that I’m taking the time today to reconnect with you and this part of my soul. :-)
I celebrated my birthday in June this year. It was a day I will never forget for as long as I live – it was everything a birthday should be and most importantly for me, it was THE birthday that has healed a lifetime of ‘issues’ I have had regarding celebrating my special day.
I think like most people, special occasions carry so many expectations with them. There is a great deal of pressure for the day to be utterly perfect – a day which should, from start to finish epitomise life’s best. A heavy weight for a mere day to carry! From my personal experience, I think this expectation comes from being let down, feeling disappointment or sadness which somehow, on a ‘special occasion’ is amplified. Birthdays also carry with them a sense of entitlement, which is completely understandable and even acceptable. On our birthday we want the people we care about to treat us extra special, with kid gloves and perhaps even shower us with a little fairy dust! So, when we don’t get that, the sadness can be overwhelming because we don’t feel validated and more importantly, we don’t feel honoured.
This birthday I learnt something very special – I needed to stop hoping people would honour me and start honouring myself. My husband and I worked really hard to make this birthday something very special for me and of course for him too. So, I asked myself what I needed to make this birthday one that would not only honour me and who I was, but would also help to heal the past hurts of birthdays foiled. For me it was going to a destination that I have been dreaming of for years – it was Lago di Como – or Lake Como. My husband found the perfect place for us and the word ‘perfect’ does not even come close to describing how absolute the gel between this destination and us was. The moment we arrived at The Grand Tremezzo Hotel I could feel negativity draining from my being. I had arrived on my personal planet; all my sense heightened and tingling. The heady and enduring scent of jasmine, rose and honeysuckle (my favourite scents incidentally) permeated my being, elevating my spirit. The visual stimulus was a feast for my teeming Gemini attention span, the tastes, wow I cannot tell you about the taste – from the Martini I had soon after arriving to the made to order pizzas from the pizza oven to the linguini carbonara that actually took our breath away to the silver service birthday dinner – all utterly mind blowing. The music was a soul nourishing mix of Dizzie Gillespie, Tony Bennet, Nat King Cole – this place had the charm and sophistication that just surpassed anything I have ever experienced and it did it with such an effortless and breezy elegance.
When we got to the room, (which had a balcony overlooking the lake) I had to get the music out to set the scene (this is something I always do when away – it’s vital!). The track that will forevermore take me back to this birthday and to Lake Como is Billie Holiday’s Time On My Hands. As my gaze shifted from the loving eyes of my husband and the mystical and beautiful Lake Como, with the music drifting through my spirit just like the zephyr floating into the room I knew that I was honoured. The day of my birth on this earth was honoured by me, my husband and the Universe. When you give yourself something that you need and want, it makes such a huge impact on you – it frees you from looking outside yourself to find validation. Learning how to honour yourself gives you dominion over your own life and that is the key to your happiness. Give yourself peace, joy and fulfilment and I guarantee you it will wipe the slate clean. Here’s to having the birthdays that make you truly happy! x
Billie Holiday - Time On My Hands
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z935jE8TdTg
I celebrated my birthday in June this year. It was a day I will never forget for as long as I live – it was everything a birthday should be and most importantly for me, it was THE birthday that has healed a lifetime of ‘issues’ I have had regarding celebrating my special day.
I think like most people, special occasions carry so many expectations with them. There is a great deal of pressure for the day to be utterly perfect – a day which should, from start to finish epitomise life’s best. A heavy weight for a mere day to carry! From my personal experience, I think this expectation comes from being let down, feeling disappointment or sadness which somehow, on a ‘special occasion’ is amplified. Birthdays also carry with them a sense of entitlement, which is completely understandable and even acceptable. On our birthday we want the people we care about to treat us extra special, with kid gloves and perhaps even shower us with a little fairy dust! So, when we don’t get that, the sadness can be overwhelming because we don’t feel validated and more importantly, we don’t feel honoured.
This birthday I learnt something very special – I needed to stop hoping people would honour me and start honouring myself. My husband and I worked really hard to make this birthday something very special for me and of course for him too. So, I asked myself what I needed to make this birthday one that would not only honour me and who I was, but would also help to heal the past hurts of birthdays foiled. For me it was going to a destination that I have been dreaming of for years – it was Lago di Como – or Lake Como. My husband found the perfect place for us and the word ‘perfect’ does not even come close to describing how absolute the gel between this destination and us was. The moment we arrived at The Grand Tremezzo Hotel I could feel negativity draining from my being. I had arrived on my personal planet; all my sense heightened and tingling. The heady and enduring scent of jasmine, rose and honeysuckle (my favourite scents incidentally) permeated my being, elevating my spirit. The visual stimulus was a feast for my teeming Gemini attention span, the tastes, wow I cannot tell you about the taste – from the Martini I had soon after arriving to the made to order pizzas from the pizza oven to the linguini carbonara that actually took our breath away to the silver service birthday dinner – all utterly mind blowing. The music was a soul nourishing mix of Dizzie Gillespie, Tony Bennet, Nat King Cole – this place had the charm and sophistication that just surpassed anything I have ever experienced and it did it with such an effortless and breezy elegance.
When we got to the room, (which had a balcony overlooking the lake) I had to get the music out to set the scene (this is something I always do when away – it’s vital!). The track that will forevermore take me back to this birthday and to Lake Como is Billie Holiday’s Time On My Hands. As my gaze shifted from the loving eyes of my husband and the mystical and beautiful Lake Como, with the music drifting through my spirit just like the zephyr floating into the room I knew that I was honoured. The day of my birth on this earth was honoured by me, my husband and the Universe. When you give yourself something that you need and want, it makes such a huge impact on you – it frees you from looking outside yourself to find validation. Learning how to honour yourself gives you dominion over your own life and that is the key to your happiness. Give yourself peace, joy and fulfilment and I guarantee you it will wipe the slate clean. Here’s to having the birthdays that make you truly happy! x
Billie Holiday - Time On My Hands
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z935jE8TdTg
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