Fear & The Golden Path

My beloved husband is now on the kidney transplant list which means at any time we could receive the phone call from the hospital & we will have 4 hours to get ourselves to Oxford (which is where the surgery will take place). This period of ‘waiting’ could last as long as 3 – 4 years but could also come at any time, so we have done as much preparation as we can and have had to leave the rest in the hands of the Universe.

My first thought when I realised that the next phase of our lives would revolve around this very momentous event was “If we are waiting for this moment, then how on earth could we ‘live’ our lives?” It’s pretty obvious that if one is waiting for something then one’s focus is on the wait and everything that happens in the meantime becomes a mere shadow; life goes out of focus.

We had to find a way to change that, to shift our gaze from the ‘transplant day’ back on to life, the here and now, being in the present. Easier said than done! However, after much thought and honest communication both Simon and I feel able to embark on this next phase of our lives with a very strong sense of trust & surrender. I never thought I would be able to reach this point of relaxed security about the most important thing in my life but here I sit today, calm and completely surrendered to what we now refer to as ‘The Golden Path’ – no mean feat for a control freak I can tell you!

So, I wanted to share this lesson with you as I know there are many of you out there who battle with trying to keep control of life’s events much like I used to. I hope that my journey and this pivotal lesson I have learned will assist you in some way in your journey.

Control – this ‘need’ is rooted in fear and fear alone. As a species, we have evolved greatly since our fledgling days as Homo sapiens. None more so than our intellect & with this development we gained the ability to philosophize and make educated assumptions. With this vast and ever expanding growth of our minds it also fanned the flames of fear. Our fears ripened from the fundamental need for a fight or flight response (when fleeing a dangerous animal or taking shelter from natural disaster) to a need to pre-empt disaster or catastrophe, from the miniscule to the monumental.

Fears – our fears are rooted in three main factors; Plan, Prevent & Predict. This is why we find it so difficult to ‘let go’ and go with the flow of life, to follow our Golden Path. Delving deeper I discovered the following:


1. Plan = Control and being attached to a specific outcome

2. Prevent = Fight or Flight – the hard path of engaging in battle or the defensive action of fleeing when there is a perceived threat

3. Predict = Strong resistance to and the need to push against reality

I knew that in order for Simon and I to navigate the next phase of our lives, I in particular (Simon is already a Jedi master in going with the flow, so I had much to learn to reach his levels of following the Golden Path) had to make some fundamental changes in the way I thought….and therein lies the key; fear is a creation of our minds, in fact it is manufactured in the Amygdala within our brains. Knowing that, I realised that my mind was over-extending itself in the fear department.

Mind – Fear is manufactured in our minds and it has a very basic and fundamental role, to activate a physical response in us in a life threatening situation or in a situation which requires us to fight or flee. That really is the long and short of the role of fear in our lives. It only needs to send a signal to my body so that I can physically manoeuvre myself out of danger. Fear becomes a burden when it begins to send signals for me to plan, prevent or predict. When it does that then it is malfunctioning and is definitely not equipped to plan, prevent or predict events. I recognised that it was time to stop allowing fear to function in-authentically & to diminish fear’s role to its authentic one.

Diminishing Fear’s Role – in order to do this I had to find the antithesis to fear’s plan, prevent & predict strategy. While reading through many sources on the subject on the internet I stumbled on this most valuable quote by Albert Einstein, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” This was the key that unlocked fear’s hold on me. I have always believed in a friendly and loving universe and also believe in God and with this belief this pivotal quote helped me to relax my tenuous hold on life & to surrender. It is weighty word and it is perhaps the most difficult thing for a human being to do, but trust me, it is achievable because if I can do it, then you can too. And you can too even if you don’t believe in God – because the proof is out there in our galaxy, the planets revolving around our sun and the moons around the planets all balancing out there in space in perfect orbits and a myriad more like our galaxy and why? Balance. Everything from us to the furthest reaches of the Universe exists in perfect balance. With the knowledge that our lives are in perfect balance then perhaps we can let go, release our grip and surrender to our Golden Path.

The Golden Path – in our friendly universe we all have a Golden Path. A path that has good times and bad but all in perfect balance; balance gives us the best life as you cannot have joy without sorrow, for one to exist there has to be the other. What our Golden Path is, is the optimum route and by trusting, surrendering and being receptive to it we open ourselves to a far more rewarding lifetime. Our Golden path carries all the textures of life, both good and bad times have a positive outcome, which is the key. When we are open to our Golden Path, when we surrender to it and when we trust in it we will always have a positive outcome. We have already created our Golden Path with our desires so the outcome is based around our desires and hopes – the destination is already known, so how we get there is what this Golden Path is about. The journey is, surrendering to the scenic route, the stunning route where you trust that you are on your ideal path so you can take the time to enjoy the here and now, the present….and the present is where you live.
Mitigating fear – the antithesis for the need to Plan, Prevent & Predict is to Trust, Surrender & be Receptive. So with this knowledge I wrote out a kind of contract, something that would help me any time Fear started to poke its nose in affairs that wasn’t its business!

• I believe in a friendly, loving and compassionate Universe
• I believe in there being a Golden Path for me
• All I have to do is to tell my loving Universe what I want and I will receive it – I ask in trust, I surrender to the Universe’s wisdom and I am receptive to the Universe’s nudges because it leads me to my Golden Path.
•  I expect amazing blessings on my Golden Path
•  I surrender to my Golden Path
• I live in a state of receptive openness – my heart is open to all blessings that come my way
• My loving Universe is all the guidance I need to journey through this life because if I surrender to it, it will ensure that I travel on my Golden Path

Having worked out that in order to be fully present in my life, I had to diminish the power and responsibility I gave to Fear, so that its only function was to protect me by sending me the correct signal during an authentic fight or flight situation. Now when I receive any fear signals from my mind that are in-authentic I am able to arrest any further development by focusing on my Golden Path and also telling my mind that it is not equipped to deal with that situation, it is over – extending itself & basically it is not its business. It seems to work a treat!

Simon and I have an interesting road ahead. It’s definitely not the path that we both thought we would go down when we fell in love and got married. At first glance, especially when I struggled to come to terms with our new life path during the best part of 2012 it seemed like it was going to be a very difficult road ahead for us. I was very sad and to some extent felt very let down by the Universe. However, now having come through the scorched land of my heart and soul and with my new understanding of how life works, I can see green shoots emerging from the ground. I see now that our Golden Path contained Simon’s kidneys failing, it contained him going on dialysis, it even contained the stressful period where he had infections and had to have another operation to change his catheter … and now, it will contain his kidney transplant, which will bring us a new life where he will be able to do the things he wants to do, like swim in the ocean with me. By surrendering to this Golden Path of ours, we get to travel on a scenic route, we get to see all the beauty and joy of this life and we get ever closer and stronger in our love. By trusting in our Golden Path we are freed from fear’s nagging presence, ever weighing us down, ever darkening our skies. By being receptive to the blessings ahead we live a rich, abundant and fulfilling life because we are open to everything that comes our way and understand that with every experience there is always a positive outcome.

Simon’s new kidney will come from someone whose life will have ended. We send out positive thoughts to that person every day; we want for them to truly live and enjoy their life while they are on this earth & we pray for them to be able to fulfil their dreams and for their lives to be full of love and laughter. We are grateful for this blessing that is coming our way through Simon’s new kidney and we surrender to the Universe in complete trust and openness. This is after all a kind and loving Universe – we take our first steps on our Golden Path and are ready for our excellent adventure.

The song I’ve chosen is ‘Excellent Adventure’ by Al Jarreau - http://youtu.be/h4fkLKBfXas

Underwater

The origins of this song began over ten years ago. I found myself being compelled to write about the sheer emancipation of spirit that frolicking in water brings; water, life’s panacea. Now, the strange thing about this song is at the time I had begun to write it I couldn’t swim. Not only could I not swim, but I had an abject fear of being in water. I had tried on many occasions as a child to learn how to swim, but I just could not get the hang of it. The sum of all my fears of being in water, like most people with this fear was the fact that I had almost drowned as a child...twice.

A few years passed after writing the beginnings of Underwater and like a lot of my songs, it remained in my consciousness quite happily torpid until awakened. I still could not swim and while it would have been nice to have been able to, I did not find it a huge inconvenience in my life.

Then came the catalyst; I found myself in a situation where not being able to swim would have meant that I would be missing out on one of the most important moments in my life. I was to spend twelve glorious days with the man of my dreams in a paradise island resort – how could I not swim? Thankfully I broached the subject with my beau who had the solution; he would teach me how to swim. I did doubt that I would be able to learn within that time, since I had spent most of my childhood trying to learn, but never got past the fear. And there, indeed was the crux – it was pure, undeniable terror that was keeping me from learning how to swim.

Would you believe I learnt how to swim in a few mere hours? It was trust which finally overcame the fear. I trusted the love of my life and with his gentle guidance and in the safety of his presence, I was treading water in no time; segue from frantic strain of body against water to a silken glide of muscles relaxing into the groove.

The moment I began to actually swim I felt something heal in me. Not only was I in my own personal Shangri La with my soul mate, but I was now overcoming a monumental obstacle in my life. I found myself suddenly so at home in the water, as if none of my past fears were ever something I had to contend with. I was free, I was more alive than I had ever been, I was happy, joyful, ecstatic, and I was surrounded by this substance that was making me feel so unfathomably good!

In that stunning swimming pool, in that cool water, under the moon and the stars, there was only my love and I ... and time stood still for us. From such fear came such liberation, such healing, such wonder and indescribable love. The song, Underwater breathed deeply as it arose from its slumber...

One of my most cherished life lessons was learnt during this period. It’s about the things we are most resistant to in life. I have found that sometimes, the thing we are most resistant to is the thing we not only enjoy the most, but are quite often most brilliant at. Today, once I get into a pool, you’d be hard pressed to get me out of it again! It’s one of my life’s greatest pleasures, obviously made infinitely greater when my husband is swimming alongside me.

One of my favourite quotes from the legendary Bruce Lee comes to mind when I write this blog. He says,

“Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; you put it into a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
Bruce Lee

To learn to swim I had to embrace the thing that I feared; water. Our bodies are made up of this substance and yet we can have such fear of something that is an integral part of us. That applies to so much in life, perhaps we fear things sometimes because we are what we fear….food for thought at any rate.

I do hope you enjoy listening to my acoustic version of Underwater. This video comes complete with furtive glances, effervescent eyebrow antics and the occasional pout! It is after all a little bit of a saucy song so it called for a few saucy escapades.

To view Underwater – go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHtatsBykyk

To hear Underwater ‘in Fusion’ go to www.prema.net

Lyrics to Underwater by Prema

Separate the bad from the good
And see the amber in the wood
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

Get the story from within my eyes
So far below there can be no lies
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

And I feel love, washing through me
And I feel love, washing through you
And I feel love, washing through us, so endlessly
Timeless and holy

Here underwater where the angels fly
Here underwater you can ask me why
Here underwater baby you and I,
So alive and holding on, and breathing
Here underwater we can reach for the stars
Here underwater we are Venus and Mars
Here underwater baby you and I,
So alive and holding on, and breathing on

Touch my skin it gets softer still
Scratch my back with an ancient quill
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

Educate me in your ways
Then let the sunlight spill her rays
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

I feel it stronger when it flows
I will follow love wherever it goes
I just want to ride it nice and slow

‘Cos it could lead us to a better place
We could be together face to face
We could dive deep into the blue
We could be together me and you
And we could live on