Fear & The Golden Path

My beloved husband is now on the kidney transplant list which means at any time we could receive the phone call from the hospital & we will have 4 hours to get ourselves to Oxford (which is where the surgery will take place). This period of ‘waiting’ could last as long as 3 – 4 years but could also come at any time, so we have done as much preparation as we can and have had to leave the rest in the hands of the Universe.

My first thought when I realised that the next phase of our lives would revolve around this very momentous event was “If we are waiting for this moment, then how on earth could we ‘live’ our lives?” It’s pretty obvious that if one is waiting for something then one’s focus is on the wait and everything that happens in the meantime becomes a mere shadow; life goes out of focus.

We had to find a way to change that, to shift our gaze from the ‘transplant day’ back on to life, the here and now, being in the present. Easier said than done! However, after much thought and honest communication both Simon and I feel able to embark on this next phase of our lives with a very strong sense of trust & surrender. I never thought I would be able to reach this point of relaxed security about the most important thing in my life but here I sit today, calm and completely surrendered to what we now refer to as ‘The Golden Path’ – no mean feat for a control freak I can tell you!

So, I wanted to share this lesson with you as I know there are many of you out there who battle with trying to keep control of life’s events much like I used to. I hope that my journey and this pivotal lesson I have learned will assist you in some way in your journey.

Control – this ‘need’ is rooted in fear and fear alone. As a species, we have evolved greatly since our fledgling days as Homo sapiens. None more so than our intellect & with this development we gained the ability to philosophize and make educated assumptions. With this vast and ever expanding growth of our minds it also fanned the flames of fear. Our fears ripened from the fundamental need for a fight or flight response (when fleeing a dangerous animal or taking shelter from natural disaster) to a need to pre-empt disaster or catastrophe, from the miniscule to the monumental.

Fears – our fears are rooted in three main factors; Plan, Prevent & Predict. This is why we find it so difficult to ‘let go’ and go with the flow of life, to follow our Golden Path. Delving deeper I discovered the following:


1. Plan = Control and being attached to a specific outcome

2. Prevent = Fight or Flight – the hard path of engaging in battle or the defensive action of fleeing when there is a perceived threat

3. Predict = Strong resistance to and the need to push against reality

I knew that in order for Simon and I to navigate the next phase of our lives, I in particular (Simon is already a Jedi master in going with the flow, so I had much to learn to reach his levels of following the Golden Path) had to make some fundamental changes in the way I thought….and therein lies the key; fear is a creation of our minds, in fact it is manufactured in the Amygdala within our brains. Knowing that, I realised that my mind was over-extending itself in the fear department.

Mind – Fear is manufactured in our minds and it has a very basic and fundamental role, to activate a physical response in us in a life threatening situation or in a situation which requires us to fight or flee. That really is the long and short of the role of fear in our lives. It only needs to send a signal to my body so that I can physically manoeuvre myself out of danger. Fear becomes a burden when it begins to send signals for me to plan, prevent or predict. When it does that then it is malfunctioning and is definitely not equipped to plan, prevent or predict events. I recognised that it was time to stop allowing fear to function in-authentically & to diminish fear’s role to its authentic one.

Diminishing Fear’s Role – in order to do this I had to find the antithesis to fear’s plan, prevent & predict strategy. While reading through many sources on the subject on the internet I stumbled on this most valuable quote by Albert Einstein, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” This was the key that unlocked fear’s hold on me. I have always believed in a friendly and loving universe and also believe in God and with this belief this pivotal quote helped me to relax my tenuous hold on life & to surrender. It is weighty word and it is perhaps the most difficult thing for a human being to do, but trust me, it is achievable because if I can do it, then you can too. And you can too even if you don’t believe in God – because the proof is out there in our galaxy, the planets revolving around our sun and the moons around the planets all balancing out there in space in perfect orbits and a myriad more like our galaxy and why? Balance. Everything from us to the furthest reaches of the Universe exists in perfect balance. With the knowledge that our lives are in perfect balance then perhaps we can let go, release our grip and surrender to our Golden Path.

The Golden Path – in our friendly universe we all have a Golden Path. A path that has good times and bad but all in perfect balance; balance gives us the best life as you cannot have joy without sorrow, for one to exist there has to be the other. What our Golden Path is, is the optimum route and by trusting, surrendering and being receptive to it we open ourselves to a far more rewarding lifetime. Our Golden path carries all the textures of life, both good and bad times have a positive outcome, which is the key. When we are open to our Golden Path, when we surrender to it and when we trust in it we will always have a positive outcome. We have already created our Golden Path with our desires so the outcome is based around our desires and hopes – the destination is already known, so how we get there is what this Golden Path is about. The journey is, surrendering to the scenic route, the stunning route where you trust that you are on your ideal path so you can take the time to enjoy the here and now, the present….and the present is where you live.
Mitigating fear – the antithesis for the need to Plan, Prevent & Predict is to Trust, Surrender & be Receptive. So with this knowledge I wrote out a kind of contract, something that would help me any time Fear started to poke its nose in affairs that wasn’t its business!

• I believe in a friendly, loving and compassionate Universe
• I believe in there being a Golden Path for me
• All I have to do is to tell my loving Universe what I want and I will receive it – I ask in trust, I surrender to the Universe’s wisdom and I am receptive to the Universe’s nudges because it leads me to my Golden Path.
•  I expect amazing blessings on my Golden Path
•  I surrender to my Golden Path
• I live in a state of receptive openness – my heart is open to all blessings that come my way
• My loving Universe is all the guidance I need to journey through this life because if I surrender to it, it will ensure that I travel on my Golden Path

Having worked out that in order to be fully present in my life, I had to diminish the power and responsibility I gave to Fear, so that its only function was to protect me by sending me the correct signal during an authentic fight or flight situation. Now when I receive any fear signals from my mind that are in-authentic I am able to arrest any further development by focusing on my Golden Path and also telling my mind that it is not equipped to deal with that situation, it is over – extending itself & basically it is not its business. It seems to work a treat!

Simon and I have an interesting road ahead. It’s definitely not the path that we both thought we would go down when we fell in love and got married. At first glance, especially when I struggled to come to terms with our new life path during the best part of 2012 it seemed like it was going to be a very difficult road ahead for us. I was very sad and to some extent felt very let down by the Universe. However, now having come through the scorched land of my heart and soul and with my new understanding of how life works, I can see green shoots emerging from the ground. I see now that our Golden Path contained Simon’s kidneys failing, it contained him going on dialysis, it even contained the stressful period where he had infections and had to have another operation to change his catheter … and now, it will contain his kidney transplant, which will bring us a new life where he will be able to do the things he wants to do, like swim in the ocean with me. By surrendering to this Golden Path of ours, we get to travel on a scenic route, we get to see all the beauty and joy of this life and we get ever closer and stronger in our love. By trusting in our Golden Path we are freed from fear’s nagging presence, ever weighing us down, ever darkening our skies. By being receptive to the blessings ahead we live a rich, abundant and fulfilling life because we are open to everything that comes our way and understand that with every experience there is always a positive outcome.

Simon’s new kidney will come from someone whose life will have ended. We send out positive thoughts to that person every day; we want for them to truly live and enjoy their life while they are on this earth & we pray for them to be able to fulfil their dreams and for their lives to be full of love and laughter. We are grateful for this blessing that is coming our way through Simon’s new kidney and we surrender to the Universe in complete trust and openness. This is after all a kind and loving Universe – we take our first steps on our Golden Path and are ready for our excellent adventure.

The song I’ve chosen is ‘Excellent Adventure’ by Al Jarreau - http://youtu.be/h4fkLKBfXas

Underwater

The origins of this song began over ten years ago. I found myself being compelled to write about the sheer emancipation of spirit that frolicking in water brings; water, life’s panacea. Now, the strange thing about this song is at the time I had begun to write it I couldn’t swim. Not only could I not swim, but I had an abject fear of being in water. I had tried on many occasions as a child to learn how to swim, but I just could not get the hang of it. The sum of all my fears of being in water, like most people with this fear was the fact that I had almost drowned as a child...twice.

A few years passed after writing the beginnings of Underwater and like a lot of my songs, it remained in my consciousness quite happily torpid until awakened. I still could not swim and while it would have been nice to have been able to, I did not find it a huge inconvenience in my life.

Then came the catalyst; I found myself in a situation where not being able to swim would have meant that I would be missing out on one of the most important moments in my life. I was to spend twelve glorious days with the man of my dreams in a paradise island resort – how could I not swim? Thankfully I broached the subject with my beau who had the solution; he would teach me how to swim. I did doubt that I would be able to learn within that time, since I had spent most of my childhood trying to learn, but never got past the fear. And there, indeed was the crux – it was pure, undeniable terror that was keeping me from learning how to swim.

Would you believe I learnt how to swim in a few mere hours? It was trust which finally overcame the fear. I trusted the love of my life and with his gentle guidance and in the safety of his presence, I was treading water in no time; segue from frantic strain of body against water to a silken glide of muscles relaxing into the groove.

The moment I began to actually swim I felt something heal in me. Not only was I in my own personal Shangri La with my soul mate, but I was now overcoming a monumental obstacle in my life. I found myself suddenly so at home in the water, as if none of my past fears were ever something I had to contend with. I was free, I was more alive than I had ever been, I was happy, joyful, ecstatic, and I was surrounded by this substance that was making me feel so unfathomably good!

In that stunning swimming pool, in that cool water, under the moon and the stars, there was only my love and I ... and time stood still for us. From such fear came such liberation, such healing, such wonder and indescribable love. The song, Underwater breathed deeply as it arose from its slumber...

One of my most cherished life lessons was learnt during this period. It’s about the things we are most resistant to in life. I have found that sometimes, the thing we are most resistant to is the thing we not only enjoy the most, but are quite often most brilliant at. Today, once I get into a pool, you’d be hard pressed to get me out of it again! It’s one of my life’s greatest pleasures, obviously made infinitely greater when my husband is swimming alongside me.

One of my favourite quotes from the legendary Bruce Lee comes to mind when I write this blog. He says,

“Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; you put it into a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
Bruce Lee

To learn to swim I had to embrace the thing that I feared; water. Our bodies are made up of this substance and yet we can have such fear of something that is an integral part of us. That applies to so much in life, perhaps we fear things sometimes because we are what we fear….food for thought at any rate.

I do hope you enjoy listening to my acoustic version of Underwater. This video comes complete with furtive glances, effervescent eyebrow antics and the occasional pout! It is after all a little bit of a saucy song so it called for a few saucy escapades.

To view Underwater – go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHtatsBykyk

To hear Underwater ‘in Fusion’ go to www.prema.net

Lyrics to Underwater by Prema

Separate the bad from the good
And see the amber in the wood
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

Get the story from within my eyes
So far below there can be no lies
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

And I feel love, washing through me
And I feel love, washing through you
And I feel love, washing through us, so endlessly
Timeless and holy

Here underwater where the angels fly
Here underwater you can ask me why
Here underwater baby you and I,
So alive and holding on, and breathing
Here underwater we can reach for the stars
Here underwater we are Venus and Mars
Here underwater baby you and I,
So alive and holding on, and breathing on

Touch my skin it gets softer still
Scratch my back with an ancient quill
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

Educate me in your ways
Then let the sunlight spill her rays
Rush to me like a wave coming fast from the open sea

I feel it stronger when it flows
I will follow love wherever it goes
I just want to ride it nice and slow

‘Cos it could lead us to a better place
We could be together face to face
We could dive deep into the blue
We could be together me and you
And we could live on

Shoreline - The Back Story

I’ve recently made a ‘live’ solo acoustic video of a few songs from my album ‘in Fusion’ along with a couple of covers. I wanted to create an online ‘gig’ for my fans – bringing them my sound & songs, stripped back to its essence. This step was an important one for me as a performer; I thrive on singing ‘live’ and while the time isn’t quite right for a tour, I wanted to find a way to bring the music to my fans who are spread across the globe. So what better way than to have a virtual show? It allows me the privilege of performing and the listener a chance to get close and personal to me and my music.

The first song I that we’ve uploaded on to YouTube is ‘Shoreline’. It’s one of my favourite tracks taken from the album which also features a stunning and breath taking bass solo by Damian Erskine. I have however had a somewhat turbulent relationship with this song, especially in the early stages of its development. You see, I was writing about something that hadn’t quite taken place yet; in my life and in my career. So, it was about a vision of what I knew I needed to do, which made writing and working on it an arduous process, until the moment I started working on it for the pre-production of ‘in Fusion’; because in doing it, I had actually reached my own personal shoreline!

This track is essentially about the transitional phase my life was in when leaving Malaysia for good and moving to the UK. It was a process which took the best part of a year and there was a definite sense of being pulled in two opposite directions. On the one hand, my family, friends and career were all in Malaysia and so I was feeling incredible pressure to keep the status quo. On the other hand, I had fallen deeply in love with the man of my dreams who just so happened to be in the UK. With love in the equation, there was no doubt where I needed to be, but the move took a great deal of courage because it meant starting all over again.

At this juncture I’d like to be candid about something, I was not entirely happy in Malaysia and that is not easy for me to say. I think it’s mainly because I had begun to realise that there was a kind of glass ceiling when it came to my career and vocation. However, I know that I did achieve a great deal in my time there and the fans, the people who love music were always supportive of me and appreciative of the music – which is what kept me going.

I have not talked about this in detail but there was one defining moment for me in Malaysia which made my decision to leave all the easier. It goes back a few years now, but there was a major award ceremony (akin to The Grammys), & well, my first album was nominated for many awards but did not win a single one. You know, it wasn’t about winning and I can say that with hand on heart - but what it said to me was great music and outstanding musicianship (the people who played on the album were the crème of session musicians in Asia) didn’t mean much. It said to me that the powers that be were not willing to acknowledge something amazing, for whatever reason. It said to me that industry politics superseded good music. I know that this happens all over the world and especially in ‘award’ ceremonies but at that point, at that critical moment in my life…it broke my heart. You know, I was so much younger then, and so much more vulnerable. I could scarcely cope with that crushing blow and it took away much joy from me. It was THE straw that broke the camel’s back… but, somewhere deep in my soul ‘Shoreline’ flickered into life. One of my most cherished aspects of being able to write songs lies in its cathartic nature. Somehow when my spirit is broken a seed of a song gets planted within me and I inadvertently begin the healing process; it is such profound blessing.

Much water has flowed under that bridge now and I know that experience has enriched my life. In fact it turned out to be a blessing in disguise – it led me the path on which I am today. It led me to make ‘in Fusion’ which is something I am incredibly proud of. It is instrumental in my learning a major life lesson – to leave the past behind me and because of the broken heart of much younger Prema, I am the woman I am today….and that’s got to count for something!

Shoreline is about healing. It’s about finding out what you want in your life and learning how to manifest that. It’s about filling your life with love and positive energy and people. It’s about knowing when something isn’t working for you and having the courage to start again. It’s about being determined and being at peace simultaneously.

So, I hope you will have a listen to this track with a new understanding of its journey and I especially hope that it will inspire you in yours. After you’ve had a listen please do hear the full band version of Shoreline on ‘in Fusion’ – the energy you will derive from listening to the whole band will revitalise you; everyone on it played with such love and joy and I know you will feel that current coursing through your soul!

To hear Shoreline (acoustic version) on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPx2rnFxB4k
To hear Shoreline (‘in Fusion’): www.prema.net


Lyrics to Shoreline by Prema

Gonna leave the past behind me, let it take the back seat
All the things that separate now and then
And I’ll hurry up, life can’t wait, make a move won’t hesitate
Exercise a little more acumen

With every, sunrise, there is a surprise,
If I want it so bad, all I’ve gotta do is ask for it,
Now I’m relieved that I can receive and I truly do believe

If I can make it to the shoreline
If I can make it with this arrow still in my back
Then I’ll make it through the thunder, thunder storms of my life
Gotta move on and I won’t look back
Gotta move on and I won’t look
No looking back, ‘cos there ain’t no looking back

I can’t ever let chance defy me, it’s curious in that way
Every time a right turns out to be a wrong
And I’ll teach my mind to elevate, it’s never too late to activate
All the little things that keep me feeling strong

With ever, sunrise, love has its devices,
If I want it so bad, all I’ve gotta do is ask for it,
Now I’m relieved that I can receive ‘cos I truly do believe

Gotta keep movin’ on…

I won’t fight this feeling, won’t stop believing
Can’t let nobody, define me, keep bringing me down,
Won’t underestimate, exactly what it takes,
It takes a lot of love to find hope
And reach for the shoreline

Shooting Star

On Saturday night the 14th of August, I saw my first shooting star. I caught a glimpse of it streaking by and the funny thing was I had to be looking up at that particular patch of sky at the perfect time to have been able to see it. To make that moment infinitely more poignant, a few minutes before seeing the shooting star I asked the Universe for a sign – something that would reaffirm a revelation that I had earlier that day.

I have asked for ‘signs’ so many times and yes, it is rather a Hollywood thing to wish for, but I am after a hopeless romantic, with dangerous theatrical tendencies! I’ve only ever received one other sign – that was after my dear dad passed away. After scattering his ashes, while driving back, I kept asking if he was at peace over and over again, so desperate for a sign that dad’s spirit was happy ... until I noticed the hundreds of little tiny yellow butterflies flying towards the windscreen of the car and then gliding right over the roof. What made it all the more absolute was that I had associated butterflies with dad just after he died when one rather stunning butterfly landed on the floor next to me and let me stroke its wing for a good few minutes (I used to be terrified of butterflies before that moment). So whether you believe in a higher force or not, or just believe that we manifest these things ourselves or even if you think it’s just a series of events, not predestined, getting a ‘sign’ which lift’s your spirit and gives you a surge of positive energy is still a pretty remarkable thing in itself.

So, what was the revelation that led to my seeing the shooting star? Curiously enough it was about destiny. Music is my destiny and while I intrinsically know this I have perhaps not necessarily owned it. There is a huge difference between knowing and owning your destiny; while you can believe that something is your destiny as much as is humanly possible when you relinquish ownership of it, it does not have the same potency, the same momentum as it could if it had your complete conviction. I think this dichotomy has to do with one’s upbringing and mine in particular was my early religious indoctrination. I was brought up to believe that God was in charge of my life – and while this was a help and comfort during my somewhat turbulent childhood, it has stopped me fully owning my destiny. However this teaching has been passed down generation to generation and I do believe it really does stop us taking control of our lives...

I was beginning to feel a strong desire to fully grasp my destiny, not in the way I had done in the past, but I needed to redefine my perception of my destiny. I realised I could achieve so much more if I took more control over it. My vocation is making music – it is my life, my ambition, the reason I was put on this earth, the reason this particular soul with all its variables came into being. So, as it my destiny is inexorably linked to my vocation and in turn my ambitions I had to ask myself some hard questions. I came up with the following set of questions:

1. What is my ambition?
2. What have I achieved thus far with regards to my ambition?
3. What is missing from my ambition?
4. What are the reasons the missing aspects of my ambitions have not been fulfilled yet? The answer based on fear
5. What are the reasons the missing aspects my ambitions have not been fulfilled yet? The answer based on fact

In answering these questions it became clear that my fears evolved around the belief that certain aspects of fulfilling my ambition and destiny lay in someone else’s hands (in my case the divine). With this knowledge a new comprehension began to form in my soul...I discussed my thoughts and feelings with my husband who is always my best sounding board – (he always comes up with a lot of amazing concepts) and together we uncovered with the following...

We hypothesized; perhaps when we are born, a little spark occurs in our souls (much like the beginning sparks of a star - when atoms of light elements are squeezed under enough pressure for their nuclei to undergo fusion). This little spark serves as a kind of guide as to what/who we have the potential to become – our talents, our gifts. Then as we grow and the paths our lives take begin to form our personalities we begin to make choices about our lives. Some of us follow that initial spark and some go against it – but throughout this phase the underlying fact is that we ourselves are shaping our future, our destiny; we create our own destiny. So, for me, with my early religious indoctrination it felt somewhat sacrilegious to think this way to begin with. While I knew this to be true in my heart and soul it was actually my mind that was being resistant to this to begin with – well such is the power of teaching a young mind! However, all it took for me to accept this new way of thinking was the undeniable truth that I had already been doing this for most of my life. I had in so many little and large ways been shaping my destiny.

So, now armed with all the right faculties I know that I shape my destiny, completely. While talent is a gift and blessing what I do with it is entirely up to me. We all get given gifts when we are born into this life, be it having the ability to make music, or to be a brilliant surgeon, or to have green fingers, or to be able to bake outstanding cakes ... these are all gifts. How we use these gifts is up to us; we can fulfil ambitions and reach our potentials in our lifetime, we just have to take ownership of our lives and our destiny.

Recommended songs for this article
1. Destiny – Prema ‘in Fusion’ (I have always had a strong relationship with my Destiny – sometimes even giving it an anthropomorphic personification! This song is about a transition of power - where I take the over the reins of my life from Destiny...I’m glad I’ve finally done that.) Available from iTunes

2. The Gift – Way Out West (This song is a blast from my past – it’s an homage to my shooting star!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSJTIv4ZNvI

Filling Your Emotional Reservoir

In the last couple of weeks I’ve learned a huge life lesson which has impacted the way I deal with certain aspects of human interaction and I really wanted to share this with you.

I’ve always been an ‘absorber’ and by this I mean emotional empathy has been an integral part of my personality. I have learnt from a very young age to listen to people with my heart, and so when a person is talking to me, I feel so much of what they feel. This works well if I am around happy, positive people but more often than not, this trait in me has always attracted the opposite. While having emotional empathy and an acute sense of what people are feeling is a blessing it has until now been somewhat of a curse to me. This is mainly due to my not understanding how this exchange of energy works and not being in control of my own energy.

I am sure that almost every person has felt this – when you talk to someone, even a short conversation can leave you feeling a loss of vitality, a change in mood from positive to negative and a drain on your spirit. This is because the person you have just interacted with was ‘vibrating’ on a lower level than you at the point of interaction; in short they were feeling lower than you were. This caused a flow of energy between you and them – a natural way of redressing the balance, so some of their negative energy flowed into you and some of your positive energy flowed into them. They leave feeling better than before they met you and you leave feeling worse. This happens to everyone, but there are some people who live in a constant state of sadness and negativity and interacting with these people can cause great damage, especially if you come into contact with them on a regular basis.

I have always attracted these people into my life and have greatly resented the time and positive energy taken from me when I interact with them. You see I am a bit of a soft touch – and while this tenderness and empathy is crucial for my music and vocation it has been a most difficult burden to bear in my day to day life. I did however realise that the only thing I could change was the way I interacted with people. Still, it was difficult to get past the resentful feelings towards these ‘positive energy usurpers’ and so each time I tried to protect myself from them I did it with a little anger and this anger of course only fuels the negative energy – it weakened my resolve and gave power to their need to take positive energy. No matter how I tried, all the various techniques I used always failed to yield the kind of result that I needed which was to stop allowing my positive energy to drain out of me. I can’t stop people wanting positive energy, but I wanted to be able to control how much I was sharing – that was the key.

Last week I had a revelation about this situation. So much of my life energy comes from my emotional state. Some people get their energy from doing physical things, some from mental, some from spiritual, but my energy source is mainly emotional – and that makes sense as it is the core of what I do; making music and singing is all about giving form to feelings and emotions. I realised that there was a leak in my emotional reservoir; so before I even begin to fill it up, all the positive energy and good feelings just drain away. This also explains why I can feel so utterly exhausted – I’ve been virtually running on empty this whole time. Which begs the question, how will I start to feel once my emotional reservoir has been filled up? I’m pretty excited about that!

So, I had to plug the leak and as I am sure you can imagine, that’s easier said than done. Eventually after much soul searching I realised that it didn’t much matter why and when the leak had emerged, what mattered now was that I plug the leak. That meant making some major changes – learning to only give to people what I want to give and more importantly, what I can give. It means being able to say to a ‘positive energy usurpers’, I’ve only got 10 minutes to talk because I am really busy. It means taking control of my emotional reservoir and monitoring its levels every day. It means replenishing my own emotional reserves and filling it with what I need, when I need it.

With this new found understanding of myself and how to nurture my own needs first, I feel so lifted. I feel free of those restraints – being held down can take a serious toll on your spirit. I’ve been stuck in this pattern my whole life and I cannot begin to describe how emancipating it is to be in charge of my emotional reservoir. So, now I begin the process of filling up this Hoover Dam of emotion and as always with me, it starts and ends with music....

My go to guy for filling up my emotional reservoir is Miles Davis – nobody does it for me like Miles!

Kick back, close your eyes and let the music float in...

Miles Davis - So What

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEC8nqT6Rrk

Wipe the slate clean

It’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged and I wish I hadn’t left it this long...however, I am glad that I’m taking the time today to reconnect with you and this part of my soul. :-)

I celebrated my birthday in June this year. It was a day I will never forget for as long as I live – it was everything a birthday should be and most importantly for me, it was THE birthday that has healed a lifetime of ‘issues’ I have had regarding celebrating my special day.

I think like most people, special occasions carry so many expectations with them. There is a great deal of pressure for the day to be utterly perfect – a day which should, from start to finish epitomise life’s best. A heavy weight for a mere day to carry! From my personal experience, I think this expectation comes from being let down, feeling disappointment or sadness which somehow, on a ‘special occasion’ is amplified. Birthdays also carry with them a sense of entitlement, which is completely understandable and even acceptable. On our birthday we want the people we care about to treat us extra special, with kid gloves and perhaps even shower us with a little fairy dust! So, when we don’t get that, the sadness can be overwhelming because we don’t feel validated and more importantly, we don’t feel honoured.

This birthday I learnt something very special – I needed to stop hoping people would honour me and start honouring myself. My husband and I worked really hard to make this birthday something very special for me and of course for him too. So, I asked myself what I needed to make this birthday one that would not only honour me and who I was, but would also help to heal the past hurts of birthdays foiled. For me it was going to a destination that I have been dreaming of for years – it was Lago di Como – or Lake Como. My husband found the perfect place for us and the word ‘perfect’ does not even come close to describing how absolute the gel between this destination and us was. The moment we arrived at The Grand Tremezzo Hotel I could feel negativity draining from my being. I had arrived on my personal planet; all my sense heightened and tingling. The heady and enduring scent of jasmine, rose and honeysuckle (my favourite scents incidentally) permeated my being, elevating my spirit. The visual stimulus was a feast for my teeming Gemini attention span, the tastes, wow I cannot tell you about the taste – from the Martini I had soon after arriving to the made to order pizzas from the pizza oven to the linguini carbonara that actually took our breath away to the silver service birthday dinner – all utterly mind blowing. The music was a soul nourishing mix of Dizzie Gillespie, Tony Bennet, Nat King Cole – this place had the charm and sophistication that just surpassed anything I have ever experienced and it did it with such an effortless and breezy elegance.

When we got to the room, (which had a balcony overlooking the lake) I had to get the music out to set the scene (this is something I always do when away – it’s vital!). The track that will forevermore take me back to this birthday and to Lake Como is Billie Holiday’s Time On My Hands. As my gaze shifted from the loving eyes of my husband and the mystical and beautiful Lake Como, with the music drifting through my spirit just like the zephyr floating into the room I knew that I was honoured. The day of my birth on this earth was honoured by me, my husband and the Universe. When you give yourself something that you need and want, it makes such a huge impact on you – it frees you from looking outside yourself to find validation. Learning how to honour yourself gives you dominion over your own life and that is the key to your happiness. Give yourself peace, joy and fulfilment and I guarantee you it will wipe the slate clean. Here’s to having the birthdays that make you truly happy! x

Billie Holiday - Time On My Hands
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z935jE8TdTg

A gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do

I started this day on full tilt as I had a lot to accomplish before this afternoon. So, having been to the gym, practiced and also done some PR I am now poised to enjoy what is to come. I have an afternoon planned with a close gal pal of mine whom I haven’t seen since before Christmas! We are going to chill out, listen to music, indulge in teeny bit of vino (famous last words) as we catch up with each other.

It’s one of those little pleasures of life I really enjoy, just shooting the breeze with a mate. I hardly have enough time these days for the endless list of things I have to do which is why it’s so refreshing to take time out with a friend. It takes you out of your immediate world for a little bit and I think our souls need that more often than we realise.

So, I always set the stage for such events – choose the right tunes for the stereo, light my favourite scented tea lights, put on the mood lighting, get the little nibbles out and as is my wont indulge in my unhealthy obsession with serviettes! I simply MUST have gorgeous serviettes when entertaining ... my friends tease me endlessly about this, but a gal’s gotta do what a gal’s gotta do!

Today’s listening experience – Chick Corea ‘Spain’

I adore this track – in the first few seconds, I’m there ... in Spain – with sun streaming down on my skin, cocktail in hand, surround by great company with wonderful music making its mark on my soul. So, it’s time for you to leap in to the azure waters of this elevating track – and you will emerge refreshed, revitalised and ready for what life has in store for you next! Enjoy!

Prema
x